Picking Up The Pieces

These last few months have been full of self loathing and a little bit of self deprecation, i’m going to be blatantly honest with you and myself in saying I still don’t have all the pieces of the puzzle. I will be blatantly honest with you and myself again in saying i’m no longer trying to find them. I’m going to say something in this moment I wish I would have said a long time ago ,”I am tired “. This feels like a shout into the void but I know someones listening and heaven knows it felt so good to get that off my chest. I wish I could say these last few months I’ve been resting among the peonies but I would be lying. So here’s everything: 1. I have no diagnosis but my ovaries are empty , my testosterone is far to high , my pancreas is kicking out twice the amount of insulin why keeping my body balanced . 2. I may not be able to have children , this is emotionally taxing and terrifying really I have prayed for my non existent children for years . I have prayed for their health mentally and physically in a world where society wont always see eye to eye with them. I have prayed , I have cried and begged for there lives to be blessed in abundance for their experiences to not be like mine. Its hard to know they may never exist. 3. To keep myself from crying while typing this I have taken breaks in between. 4. I now have an OBGYN and an endocrinologist and the world has become a lot smaller because one has said no carbs and placed me on a compound birth control and my body feels like its not mine. Meanwhile one is a to be continued because the only thing that has happened is scheduling my appointment so this journey is far from over. 5. I am holding it together just barely , I am sleepy constantly. I  eat more plant base food than actual meat these days trying to eat a 80% plant base and 20% other diet because no carbs was explained to be me as no bread , rice , potatoes and basically anything else that could be a filler because my body has to work harder to process them. 6. So much is changing and its hard to find balance , its hard to feel at peace with my body right now so i’m just striving to make peace with myself. This was everything, something tells me my blog is going to get really personal.

Disney’s Flower and Garden

I’m an annual pass holder at Disney and I absolutely love flowers so Disney’s flower and garden is my favorite part of the year. So this blog post we’re going to take a photowalk through some of Disney’s flower display .

Upon walking in Epcot welcomes you with beautiful butterflies .Daisy Duck is next to say hello and if you walk a bit further ……Goofy says hi !of course goofy wouldn’t leave Pluto behind.Woody made a special appearance at Epcot a bit far from his home in Hollywood studios!

Elsa and Anna were growing beautifully in Germany !

Rabbit, Winnie the Pooh , Tigger , Piglet and Eeyore came from the hundred acre woods to say hello.

I hope you like to dance because these birdies can really sing !

All Disney days require a rest break , our break for the day took place in Epcot’s Japan !

In Epcot’s Japan there is a level of serenity, there’s an art hall that talks about Japanese fashion an cultural advances in the way it ties into art. You can choose to eat at the Japanese steak house or you can have ramen, Epcot’s Japan feels like an escape from the hustle and bustle of Epcot . If you need to rest while at the park I recommend venturing through.

China grew cute and cuddly pandas !

A tribute to Simba sprouted along the walk ways .

Last and certainly not least eat the center of it all was the happiest mouse in town and the prettiest mouse you’ll ever meet.

Thank you for taking a photo walk with me at Disney’s Flower Garden festival.

– My

I’m finding myself envious these days .

I’m working ( I do social work) I’m sitting on the beach with one of my family’s and there are children and couples all around enjoying each other’s company . Then there’s me dressed for work in solitude and sometimes I find myself envious of there happiness and I know that everything that glitters isn’t gold you have to work for that happiness. I find myself thinking about working with someone for that happiness and sharing our joy with each other and it seems so peaceful . It’s crazy to say this but even at 25 years young I feel so ready to settle down . I love to travel but I would be open to having a travel partner and experiencing the beauty of the world together. Even in this envious state seeing all the family brings me so much joy so maybe one day I’ll be blessed with my own . – Myriesha

Hello I Have Anxiety.

No it’s not romantic or beautiful and no I don’t need a man to squeeze me and tell me I’m okay . I like to crush myself beneath my 50 pound gravity blanket and let it rock me to sleep . All these years I thought I had control of it, my chest tighten and my breathing changes and usually I tell myself that I’m okay and everything is fine and it disappears. Well today I was hyperventilating and internally screaming and I had to stop my self , it felt like the air had been knocked out of my lungs , most important was the feeling after , the feeling of defeat . All these years I had control and just like that the air left my lungs and my chest caved and I was no longer the one in charge . There is no secret to anxiety , there is no survival guide or preparedness package. However there is a God who sits high and looks low with a son who hung on a cross for my sins and intercedes on my behalf . Where there is a heaven there is a way , so when these things happen I’m learning to let go and let God . He is my rock even when I an unsteady he is my stability and for that and so many other things I can’t say thank you enough , I am so grateful words aren’t enough. HALLELUJAH! It’s the highest praise . – My