Picking Up The Pieces

These last few months have been full of self loathing and a little bit of self deprecation, i’m going to be blatantly honest with you and myself in saying I still don’t have all the pieces of the puzzle. I will be blatantly honest with you and myself again in saying i’m no longer trying to find them. I’m going to say something in this moment I wish I would have said a long time ago ,”I am tired “. This feels like a shout into the void but I know someones listening and heaven knows it felt so good to get that off my chest. I wish I could say these last few months I’ve been resting among the peonies but I would be lying. So here’s everything: 1. I have no diagnosis but my ovaries are empty , my testosterone is far to high , my pancreas is kicking out twice the amount of insulin why keeping my body balanced . 2. I may not be able to have children , this is emotionally taxing and terrifying really I have prayed for my non existent children for years . I have prayed for their health mentally and physically in a world where society wont always see eye to eye with them. I have prayed , I have cried and begged for there lives to be blessed in abundance for their experiences to not be like mine. Its hard to know they may never exist. 3. To keep myself from crying while typing this I have taken breaks in between. 4. I now have an OBGYN and an endocrinologist and the world has become a lot smaller because one has said no carbs and placed me on a compound birth control and my body feels like its not mine. Meanwhile one is a to be continued because the only thing that has happened is scheduling my appointment so this journey is far from over. 5. I am holding it together just barely , I am sleepy constantly. I  eat more plant base food than actual meat these days trying to eat a 80% plant base and 20% other diet because no carbs was explained to be me as no bread , rice , potatoes and basically anything else that could be a filler because my body has to work harder to process them. 6. So much is changing and its hard to find balance , its hard to feel at peace with my body right now so i’m just striving to make peace with myself. This was everything, something tells me my blog is going to get really personal.

I’m finding myself envious these days .

I’m working ( I do social work) I’m sitting on the beach with one of my family’s and there are children and couples all around enjoying each other’s company . Then there’s me dressed for work in solitude and sometimes I find myself envious of there happiness and I know that everything that glitters isn’t gold you have to work for that happiness. I find myself thinking about working with someone for that happiness and sharing our joy with each other and it seems so peaceful . It’s crazy to say this but even at 25 years young I feel so ready to settle down . I love to travel but I would be open to having a travel partner and experiencing the beauty of the world together. Even in this envious state seeing all the family brings me so much joy so maybe one day I’ll be blessed with my own . – Myriesha

My Day at the Zoo

When you work in the social field and you deal with children and families not everyday is a good day , some days are full of tears and anger not from me as the worker but from the families I encounter. Today was a good day , I got to take an ice cream loving three year old to the zoo, I found out her favorite animal is a cheetah but if you ask her it’s a Cheeto (children are amazing) . Everyone needs a dose of happy and seeing a toddler marvel at animals is nothing short of an happy pill. My goal in this post is to bring you with me and a giggling three year old around the zoo. So let the adventure begin. We will start with the Cheeto according to a tiny human, she also says he’s a big cat friend and he’s the fastest cat at the zoo. She’s not wrong ! Right after our big cat friend came an ice cream truck and my tiny human was definitely wearing it .We will continue our adventure to the giraffes my personal favorite! The oldest of the bunch was hanging out by the walk way eating leaves and being really friendly.

Walking away from our friendly y’all friend we saw zebras and rhinos !

As luck would have it not only is my tiny human a Cheeto enthusiast she’s also an explorer and pointed out a turtle.

At our local zoo there are no actual elephants however there are some statues made out of recycled metals. The art caused my tiny human to jump up and down repeatedly saying “ellie’s!”

There is a walk about at my zoo and there are birds and kangaroos on this area , there not caged and they are laying about . You will also see bunnies and squirrels eating the kangaroos food out of the bowls to which my tiny human said ,” those squirrels didn’t ask for carrots ” .

I wish I would have captured this on video , if your unsure about yourself , never take a three year old into a bird house . Unless your prepared to carry the three year old the entire way and swat the air like your batting flies. Otherwise it’s a great experience!

Hear me out , when your tiny human starts running towards other tiny humans who are eating French fries and starts saying share , it is certainly time to eat and this is lunch with a view of an island of flamingoes ! In true Florida kid fashion my tiny human ate here salad , yes SALAD! While standing on one leg . Yay! Veggie loving toddlers !

After we ate my tiny and her loyal crew “chomp , chomp ,chomped !” All the way to the alligators and she was unamused at there lack of activity because they were all napping !

We strolled across a bridge and we met what my tiny human described as a giant lizard , it was the Komodo Dragon.

We walked down the path some more and there was an area where you could feed koi fish and two dollars later, I think the fish ate more than enough .

Across this bridge we met the cutest animal in the zoo in my opinion , the meerkats ! We stayed awhile in meerkat manor , there was a tunnel for the kids and I assure my tiny human didn’t miss the opportunity to crawl under the home of the meerkats to see into there burrows .

Now we had to run to catch our train for the zoo tour and I do mean run! We picked up the tiny human and jogged from meerkat manor all the way to train. We saw camels , antelope , elk and a bald eagle among some other animals and there remains !

The conclusion to my day at the zoo was very enthusiastic, my tiny human sung the Florida alphabet on the way home until she sung herself right to sleep. Today was a good day . – Myriesha

I Don’t Have All The Answers and it’s Okay.

I suppose with time comes understanding , I used to think that “adulting” meant having all of the answers but I’m realizing that it is not so. Young and old we are all just trying to figure it out and by it I mean life. There is no schematic on life , it doesn’t come with an instruction guide , you learn by living . Watching your peers will teach you that living is hard, apart of getting older is new responsibilities. Were at an age where we are finding our footing, building our own stability . Some of my friends are parents , wives and husbands and that opens up more uncharted territory. As kids we prepared to have a home of our own , to cook and to clean and be independent whilst constantly calling home for every little inconvenience. Don’t worry I haven’t forgotten about those of you who snuck out of your parents home with various items for the up keeping of your own home. To think that here we are , each our own archipelago full of lesson we didn’t learn with each other, laced with experiences we never talked about with anyone else but ourselves in the mirror. It’s crazy to think that we are each our own allegory , capable of teaching someone right and wrong . I think sometimes we get so caught up in having the right answer , we become afraid to say ,”I don’t know”. Especially when get to the stage in our life where we are someone’s partner or parent , the curiosity that was once welcomed is pushed aside for something more concrete. I want to let you know that it’s okay to not know the answer to a “who?” , “what?” ,”when?” , “where?” and “why?” . Even the “what if ?” Doesn’t need an answer, everything takes time. The answers we didn’t have today as life teaches us new lessons we may have tomorrow. I strive to never stop learning,when we don’t know the answer we’re simply just growing. – Myriesha

Cant Help Falling In Love

Before I get into this review , this movie is from the Philippines so this movies is in both Tagalog and English  so subtitles are provided at certain times during the film.

I want to start by telling you how cute I found this drama, in the most genuine way this movie put a smile on my face and made me feel like I was falling in love with them in a story book way . If you’ve watched as many foreign shows and movies as I have you will have noticed this trope where there is always some unnecessary conflict that last forever so the story drags on . In this film there is a conflict but its placement is in line with the story and it is not dragging on for ages without resolve , it gets to the point. Gab and Dos aren’t your typical pairing , Gab is a stable career woman with a type “A” personality and she’s already in a relationship with an aspiring lawyer . Dos is charming , he’s not a player but he has a way with the ladies and he’s aware of his impact. During this movie we find out that our suave Dos has a problem that makes him think he has little time left , this complicates things but Dos is still moving foreword in his living despite the clock ticking over his head. Gab felt like she has little control in her life always doing things for the approval of her boyfriend and on a night out with the girls she wanted to be free , to feel like she’s capable of making decisions and she met Dos . Gab is uptight but Dos has the ability to soften her , he taught her how to love and how to let go but will she accept him? you should really watch this movie to find out. I highly recommend it. – Myriesha