Hello I Have Anxiety.

No it’s not romantic or beautiful and no I don’t need a man to squeeze me and tell me I’m okay . I like to crush myself beneath my 50 pound gravity blanket and let it rock me to sleep . All these years I thought I had control of it, my chest tighten and my breathing changes and usually I tell myself that I’m okay and everything is fine and it disappears. Well today I was hyperventilating and internally screaming and I had to stop my self , it felt like the air had been knocked out of my lungs , most important was the feeling after , the feeling of defeat . All these years I had control and just like that the air left my lungs and my chest caved and I was no longer the one in charge . There is no secret to anxiety , there is no survival guide or preparedness package. However there is a God who sits high and looks low with a son who hung on a cross for my sins and intercedes on my behalf . Where there is a heaven there is a way , so when these things happen I’m learning to let go and let God . He is my rock even when I an unsteady he is my stability and for that and so many other things I can’t say thank you enough , I am so grateful words aren’t enough. HALLELUJAH! It’s the highest praise . – My

I Don’t Have All The Answers and it’s Okay.

I suppose with time comes understanding , I used to think that “adulting” meant having all of the answers but I’m realizing that it is not so. Young and old we are all just trying to figure it out and by it I mean life. There is no schematic on life , it doesn’t come with an instruction guide , you learn by living . Watching your peers will teach you that living is hard, apart of getting older is new responsibilities. Were at an age where we are finding our footing, building our own stability . Some of my friends are parents , wives and husbands and that opens up more uncharted territory. As kids we prepared to have a home of our own , to cook and to clean and be independent whilst constantly calling home for every little inconvenience. Don’t worry I haven’t forgotten about those of you who snuck out of your parents home with various items for the up keeping of your own home. To think that here we are , each our own archipelago full of lesson we didn’t learn with each other, laced with experiences we never talked about with anyone else but ourselves in the mirror. It’s crazy to think that we are each our own allegory , capable of teaching someone right and wrong . I think sometimes we get so caught up in having the right answer , we become afraid to say ,”I don’t know”. Especially when get to the stage in our life where we are someone’s partner or parent , the curiosity that was once welcomed is pushed aside for something more concrete. I want to let you know that it’s okay to not know the answer to a “who?” , “what?” ,”when?” , “where?” and “why?” . Even the “what if ?” Doesn’t need an answer, everything takes time. The answers we didn’t have today as life teaches us new lessons we may have tomorrow. I strive to never stop learning,when we don’t know the answer we’re simply just growing. – Myriesha